Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
