i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
