he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
