Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
3 2 1 whiskey
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
