out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
When did angry sex become our thing?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
