i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize