So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize
