I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
