If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
