We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
As shirtless as possible
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize