I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
