but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
