when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
