its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
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He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
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Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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