Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
