Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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