It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
