So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
