I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
So much rum. So many feels.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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