if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
