apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
