Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
