I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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