just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
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Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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