On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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