i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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