my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
