addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
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You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
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I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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