I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
