I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
