Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
