Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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