Please, let me fuck your mom
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
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