Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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