i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
