that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
