How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just googled if crying burns calories
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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