Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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