Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
