Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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