nut hugger
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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