come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
