just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
