There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize