I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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