You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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