Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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