How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
