I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
