you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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