I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
