we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
