the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
