Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
