oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
pray to the hookup gods
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
