It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
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And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
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I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize