Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
