I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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