Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
