Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
