I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
