Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
