well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
