would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
